Friday 19 September 2014

Terror as Mutant Spiders Escape

Hysteria gripped the town of Buffalo, Nebraska, when warnings of a spider breakout from the nearby Moffett Biological Laboratories were broadcast last night.

An estimated forty spiders of the species Portia fimbriata escaped from the laboratory last night in unknown circumstances. Staff attempted to cover up the blunder, but news was leaked to a local radio station.

Mark W. Jackson, director of the laboratory, made the following statement after the news broke out:

I can confirm that some 40 spiders are still at large, although our staff are making every effort to recover them. I ask that the citizens of Buffalo remain calm and please report any sightings to our incident room. Portia fimbriata is small and not dangerous to humans, it preys only on other spiders. Its bite is not fatal to a human, but if you should find yourself bitten, please report to us immediately. Parents, please keep young children with you for the duration of the incident. We apologise for any inconvenience that this unfortunate accident has caused.

Despite these reassurances, this newspaper has uncovered evidence that Moffett is withholding the full truth in this matter. Sources inside the labs reveal that Moffett is engaged in government-funded research into spider intelligence, in an effort to train arachnid assassins. Each of the escaped spiders may be a highly efficient killing machine, trained to seek out and poison human targets.

Dr. Jackson denies these allegations.

Without wishing to spread any more panic, we strongly suggest that the good people of Buffalo abandon their homes and put as many miles as possible between them and the eight-legged terrors stalking their town.

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