Home | Index | Issue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
This story takes place over a period of several days, beginning just after the events of the previous issue, and in a number of locations. Clothing and background details should be suitable for October in North America.
This issue will have no first-person narrator. Captions will be used to give dates and places.
The dominant panel on the page shows the interior of a modern bank. We can see tellers behind glass screens, a small number of customers at the counters, and a security guard in the foreground. All are looking towards us, out of panel, with various expressions of amazement.
CAPTION:
CAPTION:
CAPTION:
VOICE (off-panel):
Close-up on the security guard as he reaches for his holstered pistol. From off-panel, a bolt of electricity strikes a pillar near his head. It pulverizes or tears off a chunk of the pillar, showing that it's a pretty dangerous attack. The bolt should look the same as that depicted on the last page of ISSUE 22.
SFX:
The guard has dropped his gun and raised his hands.
VOICE (off-panel):
In a splash panel we get our first look at the man doing the talking (and zapping). He's dressed from head-to-foot in a bulky yellow-and-bronze coloured costume. This includes a helmet, goggles, full-face mask, and heavy bronze gauntlets. He has no exposed skin that we can see. The design of the gauntlets is the same as the one we saw on the last page of ISSUE 22. He has both arms extended, obviously ready to zap again if need be. This is the ELECTRIC RAIDER (though we won't be using that name in the dialogue just yet).
ELECTRIC RAIDER:
Day time. Outdoors. CHI-YUN is sitting on the back porch of HUEY's house. (See ISSUE 19 for reference.) She's watching something taking place in the garden.
SFX (off-panel):
JAMES (off-panel):
CAPTION:
Now we see what CHI-YUN is looking at. JAMES and SARA are training together. He's in t-shirt and shorts and has those big pads on his hands that boxers hit when they're training. She's in lycra and (for a change) sensible sneakers, and is kicking one of the pads.
SFX:
JAMES:
SARA is leaping high into the air and kicking a pad. JAMES is thrown back by the force.
SFX:
JAMES:
JAMES is lying on his back on the grass. SARA stands over him, holding out a hand to help him up.
SARA:
JAMES:
They are both standing, facing each other.
SARA:
CHI-YUN (off-panel):
They both turn to look at CHI-YUN, who is walking across the lawn towards them.
JAMES:
SARA:
Close-up on CHI-YUN, shrugging expressively.
CHI-YUN:
Group view again.
SARA:
CHI-YUN:
CHI-YUN:
Similar view. CHI-YUN is pointing at SARA accusingly.
JAMES:
CHI-YUN:
SARA:
SARA and JAMES look at each other with "I can't think of an argument for that" expressions.
No dialogue.
Now a POV through a window, looking out onto the garden. We can see SARA and CHI-YUN, side by side, each balanced on one leg with the other extended in a kick. JAMES looks on.
DON (off-panel):
HUEY (off-panel):
Now showing DON and HUEY, in HUEY's study, watching through the window.
HUEY:
Close-up on DON's face.
DON:
DON:
DON:
HUEY hands DON a drink.
HUEY:
DON (softly):
Return to the POV of panel 1, looking out of the window. JAMES has donned the training pads again and CHI-YUN is kicking in his general direction.
DON (off-panel, softly):
Out in the garden again, FRED is leaning on a tree and smoking a cigarette.
SFX (off-panel):
JAMES (off-panel):
JAMES (off-panel):
JEROME is now standing beside FRED. They are both looking in the same direction (presumably at the martial arts lesson).
JEROME:
Same view of JEROME and FRED.
No dialogue.
Same view. JEROME is now looking at FRED and frowning.
JEROME:
FRED:
JEROME continues to frown after FRED as the latter walks off in the opposite direction.
FRED:
FRED:
Night. It's a section of city street in front of a warehouse -- in fact, it's the warehouse that our heroes entered back in ISSUE 19. A figure is on the pavement, kneeling down and examining it. From the long black coat and military haircut, alert readers might deduce that it's a K-MAN in human form.
No dialogue.
Pull back to a view from an overlooking roof -- and this is now an identical view to that seen in ISSUE 19 PAGE 19. On this roof, looking down at the figure on the ground, is the cloaked form of KNIGHT OWL.
No dialogue.
Close-up on KNIGHT OWL's masked face. (Unfortunately we can't register surprise on a face covered by a full-face mask, so we'll have to have a bit of dialogue.)
KNIGHT OWL:
Back to the K-MAN and he is now in WOLF form, with his snout against the warehouse door.
SFX:
This scene takes place in the office of POLICE COMMISSIONER JOHN HARRIS, seen in ISSUE 20 PAGE 20. In this initial panel, we don't see much of the office -- just a close-up of two hands shaking: a black man (HARRIS) and a Caucasian female (ELLIOT). Through the window we can see that it's now morning.
CAPTION:
ELLIOT:
HARRIS:
This is a wider panel so more of the office can be shown. The commissioner's name-plate (on his desk) should be visible. Readers should recognize HARRIS (from ISSUE 20) and also the woman -- it's the FBI Director STEPHANIE ELLIOT, seen previously in ISSUE 14. They are now both seated (on appropriate sides of the desk).
ELLIOT:
HARRIS:
HARRIS:
Same scene (I know, boring...)
HARRIS:
ELLIOT:
ELLIOT:
HARRIS is now standing at the window, looking out, with his back to ELLIOT. We'll show a POV of his back so we can't see his expression any more than she can.
HARRIS:
ELLIOT (off-panel):
HARRIS:
ELLIOT (off-panel):
Now we'll show his face. His back is still to her.
ELLIOT (off-panel):
HARRIS (softly):
HUEY's garden, night (or evening, late enough to be dark). DON is walking with the aid of a crutch. He's alone (and talking to himself, evidently). He's probably wearing his coat, as it is October in Chicago. Our POV is looking through foliage, as if we're hiding behind bushes.
DON (softly):
Same view, but now he's turned his head to looks directly at "us".
DON:
KNIGHT OWL steps out of the bushes.
KNIGHT OWL:
DON (off panel):
KNIGHT OWL:
KNIGHT OWL and DON size each other up, standing a few yards apart.
KNIGHT OWL:
DON:
KNIGHT OWL:
Close-up on DON's face, and he's ticked off.
DON:
KNIGHT OWL (off panel):
Close-up on KNIGHT OWL's face, and of course it's impossible to read because of the mask.
KNIGHT OWL:
KNIGHT OWL:
A close-up on a newspaper -- the old-fashioned paper kind, not the on-line edition most people read. The paper is held in such a way that the fold and the panel border cuts off most of the page, leaving the headline:
ELECTRIC RAIDER STRIKES AGAIN
There is also a picture of the ELECTRIC RAIDER with the caption, "SECURITY CAMERA FOOTAGE". Any other text on the page can be greeked.
No dialogue.
In a wider view, we see that JAMES is holding the paper. It's in HUEY's house. HUEY is sitting nearby reading something on a hand-held device. CHI-YUN can be in the background, watching TV. Note that everybody can be dressed differently from their previous appearance, as it's a different day. JAMES is looking at HUEY.
JAMES:
Close-up on HUEY, who looks up thoughtfully.
HUEY:
JAMES and HUEY still talking. CHI-YUN is now looking over at them.
JAMES:
CHI-YUN:
HUEY:
Close-up of JAMES looking down at the paper, frowning.
JAMES:
Morning again (judging by the light from the window) and HUEY is making coffee in the kitchen when DON walks in.
CAPTION:
DON:
DON:
HUEY hands DON a cup of coffee.
HUEY:
HUEY regards DON.
HUEY:
DON:
DON:
DON:
HUEY heads out of the kitchen door.
HUEY:
HUEY:
Full-page splash panel of what HUEY shows DON -- parked at the side of the house is a big RECREATIONAL VEHICLE, the same model DON has been driving since ISSUE 1 (and trashed in ISSUE 17). HUEY and DON should be in the panel, as they have dialogue, but the RV is the dominant feature.
DON:
HUEY:
DON (softly):
Close-up on HUEY's and DON's faces as they regard the vehicle.
HUEY:
DON:
HUEY:
HUEY holds out the keys to DON, who makes no move to take them. (Of course, car keys are electronic in 2014, so this is a key card. It should still be obvious to readers that this is a symbolic "handing over of the keys", though.)
HUEY:
Same view. HUEY still holds the keys out. DON look at them but still doesn't take them.
No dialogue.
Same view.
DON:
DON limps away from HUEY, who watches him in silence.
No dialogue.
Indoors again (doesn't matter which room). JAMES, FRED, JEROME, and CHI-YUN are listening to DON.
JAMES:
DON:
JEROME:
CHI-YUN:
Same scene, focus on FRED and DON.
FRED:
DON:
FRED:
CHI-YUN (off-panel):
Close up on DON for this next speech.
DON:
DON:
CHI-YUN (off-panel):
Wider view to show them all again.
JAMES:
JAMES:
CHI-YUN:
FRED:
Back to a close-up of DON.
DON:
DON:
CHI-YUN (off-panel):
DON now looks exasperated.
DON:
CHI-YUN, looking guilty.
CHI-YUN:
CHI-YUN leans conspiratorially towards JAMES, speaking out of the corner of her mouth.
CHI-YUN (softly):
SARA is in a clothing store, looking in a mirror while holding a shirt against herself. (There's no real reason to show her rather than the people speaking, I just wanted to break the talking-heads monotony.)
CAPTION (voice-over):
JAMES and DON are alone in the kitchen. DON is pouring coffee; JAMES is drinking milk. (See, that panel of SARA served as a scene transition, so it was useful after all!)
DON:
JAMES just regards DON impassively.
DON:
DON:
The two of them still talking in the kitchen. (I really hate these static stand-around-and-talk pages, but sometimes it's the only way to get the dialogue in.)
JAMES:
DON:
JAMES:
Close-up on DON.
DON:
Sudden scene cut -- to the ELECTRIC RAIDER in a big action panel. He's in another bank, or rather, in the process of leaving a bank with a large bag (presumably containing cash). He's hampered, however, by a female bank guard who is holding on to the bag and trying to wrestle it out of his grasp.
CAPTION:
CAPTION:
ELECTRIC RAIDER:
ELECTRIC RAIDER:
ELECTRIC RAIDER:
Still holding the bag with one hand, the RAIDER points his other hand at the heroic guard -- and a huge electrical discharge leaps from it to hit her at point-blank range, throwing her to the ground.
ELECTRIC RAIDER (softly):
SFX:
Back to the kitchen and a close-up of JAMES wearing his best innocent look.
JAMES:
Wider view of the two of them again.
DON:
JAMES:
DON:
CHI-YUN and JEROME wander into the kitchen in this panel (so this will probably be the biggest panel on the page). CHI-YUN is laughing, JEROME is looking baffled.
JAMES:
DON:
CHI-YUN:
JEROME:
CHI-YUN:
Close-up on JAMES and DON again. They are both looking off-panel, towards CHI-YUN and JEROME.
DON:
JAMES:
CHI-YUN (off-panel):
Night, by the ocean. A few fishermen sit on a boardwalk, tending their rods. All is still.
CAPTION:
Close-up on one of the fishermen (not an important character; just an "extra" reacting to some action). He's sipping some steaming drink.
SFX (off-panel):
SFX (off-panel):
FISHERMAN:
Continue the close up. The cup is falling from his hands and his face is showing shock or fear.
SFX (off-panel):
FISHERMAN (softly):
In the dominant panel on the page, we see what the fishermen see: a figure is at the end of the pier and is walking towards the men. It has apparently emerged from the ocean, as water drips from it. And it is best described as a SEA MONSTER. Although it is humanoid, it is bigger than a man, with scaly green skin, festooned with weed-like growths, with big webbed feet, big webbed hands, and big bulbous yellow eyes. It looks pretty fearsome, which explains why the fishermen are heading in the opposite direction.
No dialogue.
JAMES is in a bedroom. He's wearing jeans but on his upper torso he's wearing his green-and-black spider-silk costume (no gloves or mask, though). The SHIELD is leaning against the bed. On the bed is a folded newspaper. Lying next to the newspaper is a long-sleeved shirt. Sunlight comes in through the window (we don't actually need to see the window).
CAPTION:
Close-up of his hand reaching for the shirt. This also means we get a good look at the newspaper. Because of the way it is folded, we only see the headline:
BANK HERO IN CRITICAL CONDITION
And another picture of the ELECTRIC RAIDER with the caption "STILL AT LARGE"
No dialogue.
With a grim look on his face, JAMES is buttoning his shirt over his costume.
No dialogue.
He holds his SHIELD in his hands, looking down at it.
No dialogue.
He's heading down the stairs. Under one arm he carries the large art case that conceals his shield. His travelling bag is slung over his other shoulder. Just an ordinary young guy heading off on a trip.
No dialogue.
A view of the big recreational vehicle from the rear. FRED is in the process of fastening his motorcycle to the rack on the back. He has turned to look at SARA as she walks past him, heading towards the front. (We see her from the back; not her face.) Just for extra symbology, it's raining.
FRED:
SARA is standing by the front passenger door, which is open, reaching up to climb in. Again our POV is from behind her, and looking past her into the cab we can see JAMES sitting behind the wheel. He's looking out at her.
JAMES:
The door closes. Our POV is still from outside.
SFX (door):
SARA:
JAMES:
SFX:
MUSIC (from vehicle):
From an upstairs window, DON watches through the rain as the RV moves away down the road.
MUSIC:
A single splash panel of the RV driving away, merging with other traffic. Our POV is high and from behind. The dialogue captions originate from within the RV and move from the front to the back (i.e. top to bottom of the page). (There's an un-prize for working out who says what.) There are a lot of captions on this page but most of the music captions can be off to the side (they don't all have to originate from the RV, as long as the intent is obvious) so it shouldn't cause too many problems.
VOICE #1:
VOICE #2:
MUSIC (from vehicle):
VOICE #2:
MUSIC:
VOICE #3:
MUSIC:
VOICE #4:
MUSIC:
VOICE #3:
MUSIC:
VOICE #5:
MUSIC:
VOICE #5:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
MUSIC:
Next issue: Sparks
Copyright © 2005, 2018 by David Meadows. All rights reserved.